Although surprising to many, gay Christian dating is more accepted by Christian men and women than ever before. Many churches, ranging from Catholic to Mormons, are accepting of gay men as well as LGBTQ Christians.
For men who are adjusting to their sexual orientation, either having come out of the closet recently or over the course of a lifetime, navigating a balancing act between your faith and attraction may seem impossible. Fortunately, that’s not the case, and you aren’t alone.
In this article we’ll discuss what you should expect from gay Christian dating, what to do to prepare when coming out to a conservative family, risks and dating tips and more. Read on to learn more!
What to expect from starting Gay Christian Dating
Gay Christian dating explores a progressive form of relationship building and faith that allows for love to go beyond outdated, repressive ideals. As such, you can expect to meet others in same-sex relationships who share your journey to unify your faith and sexual orientation.
Like any journey, these experiences can be a blend of highs and lows, involving anything from feeling judged and persecuted to finding a welcoming and open community. This depends a bit on where you are located, and how progressive your local area is.
Rural areas may be problematic to find partners in, while urban areas tend to attract more LGBTQ people. That’s not to say you can’t find a partner outside of a city, but there will be more singles and matches the closer you get to one.
Not everyone will be so supportive of homosexuality or the presence of LGBTQ members in the parish, but the truth is that everyone is welcome. There’s no need for you to forego following in your faith because of who you are attracted to. You can choose both.
Of course, this kind of uncertainty can come from either community, as not everyone in the LGBTQ community is so accepting of religious members either. It can go both ways, in this kind of situation.
You should also be aware that your experience with gay dating can vary depending on how strongly you want to involve your faith into your relationship. Some may like to just mention in passing, and others want to involve it as a core part of their love life.
The more you involve it, the harder it may be to find someone else who feels similarly to you about your faith. However, as time goes on there’s an undeniably growing acceptance of gay Christian dating and relationships, so be patient.
Utilizing Christian dating sites and online dating services like Christianmingle will go a long way to helping you meet others singles. You can avoid some awkward first meetings if you are still figuring things out by simply using a dating site to filter for other gay Christians.
Of course, you should still try to meet singles in person. Depending on how supportive your family and friends are you may find that local events and holiday celebrations locally are actually a great way to meet other singles.
Coming out as gay when you’re coming from a conservative Christian family
Coming out as gay with a particularly conservative Christian family can be tricky, especially if they aren’t accepting of LGBT issues or people. They may never come to terms with your sexual orientation, but you do have options to live a life that fits your ideals.
One thing to remember is that you don’t need to compromise either your sexual orientation or Christian faith to live a fulfilling and happy life. There are places to go where you won’t be questioned or attacked for either being gay or Christian.
When you come out to your family, you should prepare yourself that they may being a pariah within your community if they are similarly like-minded. That would be an extreme case, as most communities now are more accepting, but it’s still possible.
If you find yourself being discriminated against, reach out to like minded friends and any family who you can rely on for support. If you don’t have these available to you, you can reach out to GLAAD or any number of support services for aid.
Fortunately, in places like California and most other areas there are discrimination laws in place to mitigate the worst of homophobic attacks on you. That doesn’t mean that you won’t run up against discrimination or painful experiences.
You should nevertheless never let these moments silence you, or prevent you from being the real you. Even if your family and friends feels that biblical dating doesn’t include any modern dating practices, stand firm with who you are.
In the end, we suggest that you should be as open to your family and friends as you safely can. Your worst fears might be confirmed, but it’s also possible that confronting them forces them to re-evaluate their own prejudices.
Of course, if they don’t come around and you find yourself in a rough situation, evaluate your options and find a way to move on and out of the town you are living in.
Risks and possible issues of gay dating as a Christian
Potential risks as you start to explore gay Christian dating include discrimination from either conservative Christians and even LGBTQ people who disagree with your faith. You may find yourself losing friends as well if they aren’t progressive or open minded.
You may also run into potential violence or further prejudice if you are a gay Christian black single confronting multiple areas of discrimination. You could even find job opportunities or career potential limited if bigotry is left unchecked in your area.
In this case, you should absolutely contact some sort of legal support, as discriminating against someone for their sexual orientation, race, and or faith are not allowed in any sense of the word.
Depending on the boundaries you set for yourself, you might also feel like you are set for a celibate lifestyle until marriage. Not everyone may feel this way, and you might end up being pressured into sex.
You might also have to grapple with how your family and friends deal with your coming out. It may be a rough patch in your life with them, but if you give them time then there’s always a chance they can reevaluate their bigotry and see the errors of their ways.
Dating apps and sites for gay Christian singles
Despite what you may think, there are actually a number of gay dating sites for Christian singles, either exclusively for gay Christians or with the option for LGBT dating. Unlike apps like Grindr which are mostly for sex matches, these are great to meet people for romance.
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Some of these apps are exclusively for Christians, while others include both LGBTQ options and filters by faith. In any case, the variety here are all services we would recommend:
- Believr
- ChristianMingle
- ChristianCupid
- OkCupid
- eHarmony
Dating as a closeted gay Christian
Although you have enough opportunities for gay Christians dating offline with local bars, events and meetups, and even annual community gatherings, online dating sites may be your best bet. This is especially true if you are still in the closet and haven’t officially come out.
With online dating, you’ll have the flexibility and discretion to date as a gay Christian man at your own leisure. You can filter people by area, interests, and types of Christian faith depending on what your own preferences are.
When you do actually go out on a date, we generally feel that it’s good for you to be as open and honest with yourself, your date, and your loved ones as you can be. But, if you want discretion, consider dating outside of your local area until you are ready to open up.
Tips for your first date with another man
When it comes to dating advice for your first date as a gay Christian dating for the first time, we recommend that you enjoy yourself. Have fun, relax, and focus on making sure that you have a good time. Be honest and open about what you want with your date, too.
You should consider using your first date as an opportunity to get to know him more than anything else. This means that doing something together which gives you plenty of time to talk with each other is a good option. This includes:
- Going to a restaurant
- Grabbing coffee together
- Going for a walk together
- Seeing a movie together and then doing something afterward
- Going to a local event or marketplace
Make sure that you also dress appropriately for whatever you are doing. You don’t need to dress up too formally, but make sure you are wearing something nice.
FAQ for gay Christian dating
Anyone who is new to dating will undoubtedly have questions about it, especially if they are Christian related questions and even more so if it is about gay Christian dating. That’s why we’ve answered some of the most frequently asked questions to help you out.
What places can you meet other Gay Christians?
Depending on how LGBT friendly your church is, events related to your faith can make excellent opportunities for gay Christian dating. You can also meet them at LGBT events, bars, and meetups. Online dating apps and sites are also great places to meet people.
Should Christians do online dating?
There can be some back and forth on whether Christians should do online dating at all, but in the end there’s nothing really wrong with it. Nothing in the Bible obviously says anything about it, and just meeting people online isn’t really an issue.
If you are unsure, you can always discuss it with your parish, friends, and family to see what they think. You can also speak to your priest or pastor to see what their feelings are. You can also check out online communities for Christians and gay Christians for insight.
Is it okay to be dating a non-Christian as a gay Christian?
When the question of whether a Christian dating a non-Christian comes up, the answer really boils down to what you are comfortable with. If you are okay with your partner believing in something else and it doesn’t conflict with your own views on religion, then go for it.